Kai in Wonderland
by puddykat
Summary: It's everybody's fav guy!KAI! Oh dear what can the matter be? Kai fell in a hole again! But not just any hole! A RABBIT HOLE! What werid and crazy adventure will he have now? R&R! KaiOOC
1. Chapter 1

Kai in Wonderland

Kai was getting very tired of sitting on his ass, having nothing to do. They were on holiday in west Sussex. The team were sitting in a beautiful unspoilt stretch of countryside. Kai sat in a large oak tree with lots of leaves to shade him from the sun.

Below him, Kenny was reading a book but it had no pictures. Kai couldn't understand books unless they had pictures. You see; Kai couldn't read very well.

Kai: But I can read.

PuddyKat: No you cant.

Kai: but….

PuddyKat: In this story you cant!

Kai: (mutters) Geez, it's no use arguing with her. She always gets her own way.

PuddyKat: What?

Kai: Nothing.

Kenny: He said something about getting a piece of pie.

PuddyKat: Good enough. Rei, hurry up and spread out the picnic.

Rei: Okay. Just let me iron this cloth.

PuddyKat: Hey hey hey! You've no time to be ironing! My mum comes home real soon and if she finds me on the computer without permission she'll kill me.

Rei: Ok.

Kai was very bored. Rei had nearly finished setting out the picnic and Kai was wondering whether to climb down from the tree and have a peanut butter sandwich when something white on the other side of the tree caught his eye.

It was a rabbit.

Rabbit: Oh dear I shall be so late.

Kai: Eh? But rabbits don't talk.

PuddyKat: Well in this story they do.

Kai: But what would a rabbit be late for?

PuddyKat: Well why don't you follow him. Do I have to spell it out?

Kai: But I don't want to follow him.

PuddyKat: If you don't, there wont be a story.

Kai: I don't care. I'm not following a stupid rabbit.

PuddyKat: The rabbit's is going!

Kai: I'M NOT FOLLOWING A RABBIT!

PuddyKat: Alright that's it I'm getting outta here.

(PuddyKat flicks Kai of the tree trunk and onto the trail of the rabbit.)

PuddyKat: Now follow it.

Kai gets up and runs after the rabbit. He catches up with it but before he can grab its waistcoat, it disappears down a rabbit hole. Kai stops at the edge of the hole and peers down.

Kai: I'm not going down there.

PuddyKat: Oh look, in front of you! A rabbit smoking weed!

Kai: (excitedly) Where. (Looks in front of him)

(PuddyKat pushes him into the hole)

Kai: Ahhhhh! You bch! You lied!

PuddyKat: Well you're down the hole now.

Kai falls for ages and ages and ages. He falls past cupboards and bookshelves.

PuddyKat: Well seen as you're here and wont be landing for another hour, let's talk.

Kai: Fine.

(59 minutes later….)

PuddyKat:……And then I laughed at Katie and said "Serves you right for teasing me!" Because her pizza got burnt and was all dry and hard and then Roscoe thought I was being unfair and dropped a bag of flour on my head. It took me ages to get the floor out of my hair. And…

(There is a loud "THUD" and Kai falls on his head on top of a pile of sticks and leaves covering a rock)

Kai: Ow!

PuddyKat: (looks at her watch) you're landing right on schedule. Oh, are you all right?

Kai: (crying) No.

PuddyKat: Oh dear you're bleeding. Let me find a bandage. Sis, cover for me…(rushes off to find a bandage and some T.C.P.)

PKBS: (PuddyKat's Big Sis) I'll cover for a bit. Now where are we?

Kai: I fell down a rabbit hole.

PKBS: RIGHT…I see…

Rabbit:(passes by shouting) I'm late!

Kai: It's that freaky rabbit again.

PKBS: well, run after him then!

Kai: I can't… my head hurts…

PKBS: Oh yeah you have blood pouring down, you can't run like that…. Here…(rips part of her skirt and wraps it around Kai's head to stop the bleeding. Then she supports him and together they run after the rabbit.)

Kai: It's okay now, I can walk: sort of.

PuddyKat: Hi! I'm back! (Appears with all sorts of medical stuff) Hey KAI? KAI! Sis where is he!

PKBS: (dreamily) He went after the rabbit.

PuddyKat: Well I'd better catch up with him. He'll go all woozy if I don't mop up the blood. (Looks at her sisters skirt and squints her eyes) What have you done to him?

PKBS: Nothing, well I have to go now. See ya later!(Disappears)

PuddyKat: Well, I guess I can bathe his head later. KAI! WAIT UP!

Kai follows the white rabbit at full speed down a long passage.

Kai: Hey Mister Rabbit WAIT UP! I need to get the address of your attorney so I can sue you!

Rabbit: Oh my ears and whiskers! How late it's getting!

The rabbit turns another corner. Kai swings round the corner and finds the rabbit has disappeared. He is in a long; low, round hall with lots of doors all around him. Kai walks around the hall, pulling at each door handle in turn; but finding each locked he walked around sadly wondering how he was ever to get out again. Then he tries the doors again.

On his fifth way round, he comes across a small three legged table made out of glass. There is only one thing on the table.

Kai: It's a key! (Picks it up and stares at it) but it's tiny. Anyways; all the doors are locked so this must fit one of them.

Kai excitedly runs around the room trying each lock but the key doesn't fit any of them. He walks back to the table and looks around, then spots PuddyKat.

Kai: What are you doing to that door, with that red paint?

PuddyKat:( Hastily tries to cover the large red arrow that she had painted in red paint.) Nothing. Why are you wearing my sister's skirt on your head; no wonder it was ripped?

Kai: (Pushes her aside) Wow! That's a midget door!

PuddyKat: Try the key in the lock.

Kai: I was about to do that.

PuddyKat: Well why don't ya! You don't have to bite my head off.

Kai: Well you shouldn't have made me come down here!

PuddyKat: Just put the dam key in the dam lock Kai.

Kai: (shoves the key in the lock and turns) This is the right key!

PuddyKat: Well dur!

Kai pushes the tiny door open. He kneels down and looks through. There is a wonderful garden on the other side. Kai sticks his head through and tries to get through the door.

Kai: Help! I'm stuck!

PuddyKat: (sighs) Idiot! (Grabs his waist and pulls. Kai lands on top of her)

Kai: Dam! I'm too big.

PuddyKat: You certainly got that right. Tall and dark and hunk----

Kai: Are you trying to chat me up?

PuddyKat: (Pushes Kai off her)

Kai: HEY, There's something else on that table!

Kai runs over and finds a tiny bottle with a small label that read…

Kai: (reading the label) "Drink Me"

PuddyKat: I thought you couldn't read.

Kai: I told you I could.

Kai pulled the tiny cork out of the bottle and took a sip.

Kai: mmm! This is nice. (Takes another sip) Tastes that all sorts of stuff mixed together.

Kai slowly drinks the liquid, describing every flavour that it tastes of. He doesn't notice how small he's getting.

PuddyKat: Boys! You don't have much common sense do you?

Kai: What?

PuddyKat: For all you know, what you just drank could be poison. (Picks up the bottle beside Kai) Like it? It's my own creation!

Kai: You evil ---

PuddyKat: Well you can get through your door now.

Kai runs towards the door and tugs at the handle but once again; it's locked.

Kai: Dam! The keys on the table.

Kai runs back to the table and tries to climb up but the glass is really slippery. He slides down again.

Kai: I give up! (Slowly his head meets his outstretched hands and he begins to cry) I wish someone could help me.

PuddyKat: Are you crying?

Kai: (Hides behind the table leg and turns his head away)

PuddyKat: Personally, I don't think you'd want to go in there. But later on there is a surprise. Now Kai, don't worry. Dry your tears and look beside you.

Kai dries his tears on his sleeve and looks beside him. There is a small golden box beside him. Kai picks up the box and unties the pink ribbon. Inside is several small biscuits, each with it's own individual rainbow icing and in spindly writing on each one are the words---

Kai: "Eat me."

So far; all the decisions Kai had made had led to even more trouble. Kai looks up at PuddyKat.

Kai: Should I?

PuddyKat: (Nods)

Kai picks up one of the biscuits and begins to eat.

Well end of chapter one!

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	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

**PuddyKat**: Oh dear, this doesn't look too good.

**Kai:** What?

Kai looks down, and too his amazement; finds that he has grown really big. He is so big that his head bumps against the ceiling and his foot is pressing against the mini door.

**Kai:** (_angry_) You evil…what did you do?

**PuddyKat:** Oh no. It went all wrong.

**Kai:** What did.

**PuddyKat:** Oh no.

PuddyKat walks around in circles; her hands keep running through her long jet-black hair.

**PuddyKat:** Oh no, what did I put in the cookies? Let me see… flour, salt, sugar…

**Kai:** What have you done!

**PuddyKat:** I'm so sorry Kai. It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. My baking always turns out right. You weren't supposed to grow this big. Oh man…

PuddyKat collapses on the floor and begins to cry.

**PuddyKat:** This is my punishment for everything evil that I've ever done! Like yesterday when I told Josie to shave her arms and she began to cry! But she's always telling me to grow up! So it serves her right! And everyone supported her and no one supported me! And that time when I ate my sisters birthday cake! And the other day when I was really upset and I ate two giant tubes of Pringles and a giant tub of chocolate ice cream! And that day when I found out I was going to be going to high school alone 'caus all my friends where going to a different school! And the other day when I went on the trip and my mum couldn't find me! And the fact that I can never see my old friends again, only hear their voices! And the fact that I have no friends in high school because they always ignore me and pretend I'm not there and always talk about moshers and mosher music and they never talk to me! And like that time when Johnny…

**Kai:** Please, stop crying. Here…

Kai gently removes the skirt from his head. It's soaked up most of the blood and the wound has already started to heal. He hands the skirt to her. But it's really, really big.

**PuddyKat:** (_sniffs_) thanks.

PuddyKat cries on crying and crying. Kai suddenly hears a noise.

**Noise**: Mumble mumble!

**Kai:** Excuse me?

**PuddyKat:** What?

**Kai**: Nothing.

Then he hears the noise again. It's coming from his foot. He moves it…. and the tiny door gasps!

**Door:** Ahh, thank you.

**Kai:** Oh dear Lord.

**Door:** (casts a sideways look at PuddyKat) She's not going to stop for ages. She gets really emotional.

**Kai:** Geez…talking rabbits, talking doors…. An ten year old can't handle this.

(45 minutes later…)

PuddyKat still hasn't finished crying. The room is flooded with inches full of tears that come up to PuddyKat's waist and up to Kai's knees.

**Door:** We're all going to die!

**Kai**: But I can't die yet! I've got to get into the garden!

**Door:** I can't let you in! See I'm locked!

**Kai:** The key.

Kai large fingers reach for the key on the tiny glass table. He clumsily picks it up, but at the last moment drops it into the salty pool. It's too small for him to find.

**Kai:** Damn!

**Door:** (_Desperately_) Think Kai! What made you really small in the first place? This is a matter of life and death!

**Kai:** (_Thinks really desperately_) Err… The bottle did! But PuddyKat's got it!

Kai gently picks up PuddyKat but she hasn't got the bottle. He spots it floating in the pool. It's much bigger than she is now. He lift's it to his lips. PuddyKat is still crying all the time. Automatically, he shrinks to the size of PuddyKat. In amazement, he drops the bottle. Kai and PuddyKat fall quickly through the air, now very tiny--- and they land straight onto the cold glass hard bottom of the bottle! Kai desperately tries to climb out again but the side of the bottle are too slippery. Besides the bottle is very narrow necked. There is just enough space for both of them. PuddyKat huddles in the corner, still crying.

**Kai:** Please don't flood in here with your tears.

Again he tries to the climb out, then he tries to pushes the bottle on its side but his small weight does nothing.

**Kai:** Great, now we're trapped.

**PuddyKat:** I'm sorry Kai.

Kai turns away from her.

**Kai:** I hope you've stopped crying.

**PuddyKat**: I have. (_Laughs_) I haven't cried like that for ages. Hey, captain, where are we going?

**Kai:** I don't know. But it looks like I gonna get my wish after all.

**PuddyKat:** What do you… ooooohhhhhhhhhh shte! Kai, did I ever tell you that I don't like…water rides?

**Kai:** Hmm, I think you forgot to mention that.

**PuddyKat:** Well I don't I don't like roller coasters either. I cried like a baby on the "Magnum Triple Loop". I only went on caus I like their ice cream. It was a horrible way to end my 9th birthday. Kai, will you hold me? (_Sees Kai's face_) Gez, I'm not gonna do anything!

**Kai:** Fine.

Kai awkwardly puts his arms around PuddyKat. The mouth of the talking door opens and the bottle is sucked in---------on a wild, wild water ride.

**Kai+PuddyKat:** **AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

The bottle moves violently along with the violent water. It moves left, right, in loop-the-loops, in every way that you can think of.

Then the bottle goes spinning through the air and lands upside down in the water. Both of them fall out. One last grand finale and they both land back inside the bottle which is now filled with water. They both swim to the opening and gasp at the cool air.

**Kai:** WWWWWWHHHHHHHOOOOOOHHHH HHHHHOOOOOOO!LETS DO THAT AGA---

**PuddyKat:** No! No, no Not again. Oh man, I ruined my best jeans. You don't know how much time it took to get my hair and---

**Kai**: (_puts his hand over PuddyKat's mouth_) Shhh…do you hear that?

They both listen. There is a splashing sound.

**PuddyKat**:(_Whispers_) what do you think it is?

**Kai:** (_spots the thing_) It's a mouse.

**PuddyKat:** A mouse?

**Kai:** Yep.

The mouse is the same size as them and has very wet bedraggled brown fur. It had fallen in like they had.

**PuddyKat:** HELLO MISTER-----O MOUSE! DO YOU KNOW HOW TO GET OUT OF THIS POOL?

**Mouse:** (_carries on swimming_)

**Kai:** Hey, maybe it's French. HEY MOUSE! VOU LA VOUKO SHA A VIK VAU, SIS MOI?

Note from author, please correct me if I spelt this wrong, I don't do French I do German means, " Do you want to go to bed with me?"

**Mouse:** (_stares at Kai in disgust_)

**PuddyKat:** I may not know much French but I will ask you this; are you gay?

**Kai:** No.

**PuddyKat:** Good. Maybe it's German…. err… Ich habe eine Katze?

**Mouse:** (_Jumps up in fright_)

**Kai:** Mice don't like Cats.

**Mouse:** Not like Cats?

**Kai:** Wow, it's Scottish!

**Mouse:** Actually, I'm Australian. Nope I don't like Cats at all!

**Kai;** Pity! My friend Rei has this cat called Driger and it's so cute and such a good fighter and it caught a mouse the other…uh oh.

**Mouse:** I hate cats! Don't mention them again! Nasty creatures!

**Kai:** Well if you don't like cats, maybe you like birds. At home, I have this pet phoenix called Dranzer and it so nice and--

**PuddyKat:** Kai…

**Kai:** --and he lets me stoke him and he

**PuddyKat:** Kai….

**Kai:** --he catches mice.

**Mouse:** That's it I'm outta here! (_Swims away_)

**Kai:** But I haven't told you what colour he (_PuddyKat puts her hand over his mouth_)

**PuddyKat**: Shhh Kai, (_shouts)_ MISTER MOUSE!PLEASE COME BACK!KAI WON'T MENTION DRANZER OR DRIGER AGAIN!

**Mouse:** (_comes back.)_ lets go to shore, and I'll tell you why I don't like cats of birds.

The mouse, Kai and PuddyKat all swim to the shore.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**PuddyKat:** Hello everyone!!!!! I am back!!!! I have free time! I couldn't type!!!! With so much homework and detentions and training and rehearsing for school plays and boyfriends!!!!!! Guys are evil and cruel to girls! I'm only young yet the weight of the world rests on my should—

**Kai:** People don't want to hear about your private life!!! People want to read a fan fic!!! You should really carry on with the story cause my underpants are all wet!!!! Man you bore everyone you me—

**Mouse:** Stop Lagging behind!!!!!!! Man you're so slow. Both of you!!!!

**PuddyKat :**Shut up!! Right On with the story…

Kai and PuddyKat followed the mouse to the shore. Kai stared around. The pool was really quite crowded with animals. There was a Duck and a Dodo and a Lorry and an Eaglet and loads of other weird and wonderful animals. They were all so close to PuddyKat and Kai and took no notice of the two children.

**PuddyKat**: Kai, I'm scared. Help Kai, help, help, help, and help!!!!!!!

**Kai:** quit complaining!!!!

**PuddyKat:** (muttering) if only Joey were here, he'd know what to do.

PuddyKat glares at Kai then dives under the water.

The whole party swam to the shore. Everyone was wet and bedraggled.

**Little bird:** Mommy I'm cold.

**Little bird 2:** I'm wet!!!!

**Mommy bird:** Will someone please think of the children!!!

**Mouse:** I have a story that will get you dry.

Everyone perches on rocks and on the floor, getting comfortable and ready for the story. PuddyKat and Kai keep shivering. The mouse clears it's throat.

**Mouse:** AHEM!!!! Now then. Fury said to a mouse that lived in his ho—

He stops abruptly, interrupted by a loud yawn

**PuddyKat:** Boring!!!!! Really you are worse than my history teacher (no offence Mrs Haggle) now this is getting us nowhere. I'm sorry but I'm very immune to colds and chills and I'll catch one if I don't get dry quickly so--

Kai has been sat staring into space with his head between his knees thinking and shivering very hard, not listening to anything, so he doesn't really care if PuddyKat catches a chill and dies or if she gets a candy floss machine for her birthday (hint hint mum).Then he suddenly sits up.

**Kai:** I know how we'll all get dry!!!!!

**Everyone:** What!!!!!!

**Kai:** TRACK EVENTS!!!!

**Everyone:** (mummers) track event what the hell is that??

**PuddyKat:** Yay!!!

**Everyone:(**blank stares at PuddyKat)

**Kai:** (surprised) don't you guys know what track events are??? (Pretends to run) it where you do loads of events on a running track like…like hurdles and 100m and who ever is the fastest wins! Dur!!!

**Everyone:** (blank stares at Kai)

**PuddyKat:** (blushing) Hurdles!!! NOOO!!!!!!I tripped up on the hurdles on sports day and fell over in front of the whole school. Man it

was embarrassing!

**Kai:** Ok then not hurdles, but…ahhhhhh you know what I mean, don't ya?

Everyone blankly stares at Kai again. Someone mumbles "Crazy!"

**Dodo:** (laughs) these young birdies today!! And their new fangled talk!!! Lets have a caucus race.

**Everyone:** (murmur of agreement)

**Kai:** What's a caucus race???

**Everyone:** (Laughs)

**Dodo:** Why a caucus race is where you jog around in circles. Whoever comes first is the winner.

**Kai:** That's just what I said!!! That's like 100m!!!! That's like 800m!!!!!

**PuddyKat:** yeah 800m too. Two years in a row I've had to do it. Just cause I'm black don't mean I'm fast at running. (Mumbles) Dunno why everyone thinks that black people are supposedly good at running!!!

The Dodo lined everyone up around a rock. Then he went to his place. Gradually everyone started running --in different directions.

**PuddyKat**: (shouts) you didn't say ready steady go!!!

**Dodo:** (Races past them along with a crab) You start when you want.

Kai and PuddyKat jog slowly around the rock, not speaking. Both of them thought how silly this was.

**Kai:** When is it over?????

**Dodo:** when I say so!!!

**Kai**: (whispers to PuddyKat) These people are all feather brained!!

**PuddyKat**: (smiles) damn my shoe lace has come undone. Catch you up Kai.

Kai jogs around the giant rock slowly. When he comes around again he find the Dodo threatening someone. The person is crushed against the rock and the dodo's sharp beak. The dodo's wing is entwined in her long black hair twisting around and around.

**Kai:** PuddyKat!!!!

**PuddyKat:** Kai!!!

**Dodo:** (sharp intake of breath) That young fellow is incredibly BIRDIST!!!!!

**PuddyKat:** don't you mean racist???

**Dodo:** what the hell kind of a word is that!!!!

**PuddyKat:** My God!!!! When **_is_** your birthday Mr dodo??? Then I can get you a DICTONARY!!!!!!!

**Dodo:** How dare you insult me!!!!

**PuddyKat:** Me insulting you!!!!Ha!

**Dodo:** Dodo's are incredibly clever creatures!!! Clever than all the other animals!!!!!!

**PuddyKat:** Oh yeah?? Well what are two times two???

**Dodo:** Two times two??? Why six of course????

PuddyKat: Wrong!!!! Fine what about this?????

Maria's father has four daughters.

1.Chichi

2.Chocho

3. ChaCha

4.?????

**What's the name of the fourth???**

**Dodo:** Why Chuchu of course!!!

**PuddyKat:** wrong again!!! It's Maria!!!! Think about!!! Listen to the question again! Ha Kai's right you are feather brained you stupid chicken you ent got a brain you---

Kai thrusts his hand over PuddyKat's mouth before she goes too far. But she already has!!!!!!

**Dodo:** Animals CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

All the animals chase Kai and PuddyKat. They are running for ages. They manage to get in front of the stampede and then hide behind a rock. All the animals dash past and away, into the distance.

**Kai**: Thank God we lost them.

**PuddyKat**: Tell me about it. Hey I'm all dry!!!!!

**Kai:** Great!! What do we now clever cl---

**PKBS**: (shouting from the kitchen) PUDDYKAT!!!!!!GET OFF THE COMPUTER GET OUT OF YOUR FANTASY AND GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK!!!!!!!!!!

**PuddyKat:** But I haven't got any!!! God it's the summer holidays!!!!! The teachers aren't that mean!!!!!!!

**PKBS:** Well go play out side or go to the park or something. Wait hold on…. another message from mum……

Kai and PuddyKat listen tensely.

**PKBS:** (grinning) Mum says you're grounded. Go to your room.

**PuddyKat:** But!!!!!But what did I do??????

**PKBS:** Tell you later.

PuddyKat turns to Kai.

**PuddyKat:** (apoligictally) sorry Kai. I guess youre on your own for the next chapter.

**Kai:**Good.You're a really troublesome bugger who can't move two paces without doing something wrong.

**PuddyKat:** (turning red) Oh thank you very much!!!!

**Kai:** you're so moody!!!!!

PuddyKat turns around and pulls a blue pen from her pocket. She ducks down and draws a large blue circle on the ground and colours it in. She turns back round to face Kai, and opens her mouth, then blushes and shuts it again.

PuddyKat: I have three words for you Kai…. PEPPERMINT CREAMS AND MUSHROOMS!!!!!

**Kai:** That's four words.

**PuddyKat:** Smart arse

PuddyKat turns around and dives into the hole, which closes behind her.

Kai stares at the space where the rabbit hole was and then shoutes loudly into the still summer air;

**Kai:** BUT I HATE MUSHROOMS!!!!!!!!

* * *

Chapter 3 finshed!!!sorry I couldn't do it earlier.I was very busy.

What does PuddyKat mean about the mushrooms???

Who is the mysterious Joey????

And why doesn't Kai like mushrooms???? (I mean great man, they're lovely. We've growing some right now in my back gard…..

**Kai:** I thought you'd gone.

Whatever!!!!

Tune in for chapter 4 of Kai in Wonderland!!!!!

POWER TO THE MUSHROOMS!!!!!!!

**Everyone:** she's crazy. PKBS, where the hell did you get her?

**PKBS:** (shrugs)

**PuddyKat:** sorry I couldn't resist!!!! Bye!!!!


End file.
